WALLACE: the audience at Snakes on a Plane last night was crazy.
almost as crazy as everyone here says you are.
AHMADINEJAD: No.
Crazy is Spielberg whining about French occupation of Algeria.
At least my movies dont reek of veiled dogma.
Depicting snakes as "terrorists" and then killing them. You deem these
creatures to be evil but they are God's creature acting on the law of nature
- surival of the fittest. The snake knows you are coming to kill him.
What is the normal reaction? To defend itself. But in your
world is that is called "terrorism." This is why infidels die.
When you say 'the snake is evil', you are saying 'God is evil'
because the only deity you ever served was money.
Good and Evil don't exist in nature. they exist only in the minds of men,
who make films about snakes and world trade centers.
So what. I'm releasing "zionists on a plane" next year.
everyone on the plane is charged with DUI and antisemitism.
WALLACE: i was charged with a DUI and astigmatism this morning.
right after Osment and michael jackson. Is it sweeps month?
Surely youre not suggesting that deep within american media
rests a zionist dogma that only the trained eye can see...
AHMADINEJAD: look at "The Venture Bros." Each episode bascially
amounts to "chatty,witty but frail professor(israel) depends for dear life on
his mighty beast Brock(US) to save his ass from extinction. in the latest
one he says "if you dont come save me right now i'll fire you."
See? and dont think Sharon never told Bush something like this.
but Clerks 2 was a revelation and i want to open a Mooby's in Tehran.
WALLACE: Even as the aintitcool boards launch new threads on new
9/11 exploitation films released every week,
the talkback wars have been a ceasefire lately.
PazuzuGaiusDoctorWhoAnchoriteLostProphet's scripted puppetshow
with jayjew/brokebackcowboy is on empty, and what's left?
griping at the absence of zfisk?
AHMADINEJAD: more like fawning. typing "i miss him"? "i love you?"
"zfisky-poo?" Good God. Id rather be nuked than read that mess..
Get your repugnant ass back in the closet.
WALLACE: youre ok with a strip club as a setting for this interview.
AHMADINEJAD: what better place to address your empty culture and
where it puts women? look at them. full of drink and indecent proposals.
WALLACE: it's the free market. these girls are doing what they can to earn money to survive.
AHMADINEJAD: Oh...that's why women born into wealth are even worse,
right? look at those women leaving those men to go to the ladies room.
Here is why American women go to the bathroom together.
because theyre gay. and the american male is only a chauffeur,
paying for the drinks. this is why you want to bomb us.
we are not the cause of your moral decline. (cue brave music)
it is your own system that is failing. this
town needs an enema. gotham must be destroyed.
As president of iran at this time in world history i see my role
as helping to bring about a needed rebirth on this planet.
WALLACE: im not sure they follow you. dumb it down for the AICN readers.
AHMADINEJAD: i am a silver surfer, heralding the coming of galactus.
WALLACE: the coming of who?
AHMADINEJAD: never mind, look. in 2010 61% of world's women
will be gay. this is because of decades of your pornoculture. it's no secret
who introduced, legitimized and marketed homosexuality to the world and
all the chaos it brings. look what it has done to the forums of aintitcool and
superman returns.
Homewrecker: okay im pulling the plug on this skit.
AHMADINEJAD: why? we didnt get to the big punchline, about the latimes
full page ad with all the stars united against terror.
WALLACE: And how theyre releasing a song called "We are the Spoiled"
to benefit victims of anti-semitism and name calling. (Cue music)
WALLACE AHMADINEJAD: "we are the spoiled....
we are the chosen,. we are the darlings and the land is ours
so lets start killin..."
homewrecker: okay halle's on the other line. see ya.(pulls plug) hello?
halle: homewrecker. dont put me on hold again. whats this im hearing
about this new feature hilarytime?
homewrecker: you know, hilary clinton is getting into viral marketing. stuff like that.
halle: you dont have that picture do you?
homewrecker: what picture...
halle: would you even have any traffic without my face up there? i know you have it, dont lie.
homewrecker: lying?! what picture?!?
halle: that picture of me with six toes on my right foot.. the pic is fake!
homewrecker: the only pic i have is the one where you get paranoid and think the midget is going to jack you on Broadway. like what's he going to do? a matrix jump and swipe your bag of esoterica? there is no picture out there circulating with you
having six toes.. now about those Monster's Ball outtakes...?
halle: (CLICK)
homewrecker: okay here's the smug guy who made the benny hill 9/11 joke that jayjewpazuzu's been hyping on aicn. he calls himself "The briantist". his name is brian and he dresses like a scientist. get it? wow thats clever. yeah id like to believe this was pazuzu and end the saga but of course it's not.. but he's defintitely a member of "the tribe" if he thinks 9/11 is a joke. jews are so funny arent they. and yes, brian, youre jewish, dont deny it. real classy. you forgot the clown wig, red nose and bozo shoes.. maybe Pazuzu, kidman and michael douglas can put out a full page ad in the latimes and start a fund..
