Cease fire? yeah, to reload

WALLACE: the audience at Snakes on a Plane last night was crazy.
almost as crazy as everyone here says you are.


AHMADINEJAD: No.
Crazy is Spielberg whining about French occupation of Algeria.
At least my movies dont reek of veiled dogma.
Depicting snakes as "terrorists" and then killing them. You deem these
creatures to be evil but they are God's creature acting on the law of nature
- surival of the fittest. The snake knows you are coming to kill him.
What is the normal reaction? To defend itself. But in your
world is that is called "terrorism." This is why infidels die.
When you say 'the snake is evil', you are saying 'God is evil'
because the only deity you ever served was money.
Good and Evil don't exist in nature. they exist only in the minds of men,
who make films about snakes and world trade centers.
So what. I'm releasing "zionists on a plane" next year.
everyone on the plane is charged with DUI and antisemitism.

WALLACE: i was charged with a DUI and astigmatism this morning.
right after Osment and michael jackson. Is it sweeps month?
Surely youre not suggesting that deep within american media
rests a zionist dogma that only the trained eye can see...

AHMADINEJAD: look at "The Venture Bros." Each episode bascially
amounts to "chatty,witty but frail professor(israel) depends for dear life on
his mighty beast Brock(US) to save his ass from extinction. in the latest
one he says "if you dont come save me right now i'll fire you."
See? and dont think Sharon never told Bush something like this.
but Clerks 2 was a revelation and i want to open a Mooby's in Tehran.

WALLACE: Even as the aintitcool boards launch new threads on new
9/11 exploitation films released every week,
the talkback wars have been a ceasefire lately.
PazuzuGaiusDoctorWhoAnchoriteLostProphet's scripted puppetshow
with jayjew/brokebackcowboy is on empty, and what's left?
griping at the absence of zfisk?

AHMADINEJAD: more like fawning. typing "i miss him"? "i love you?"
"zfisky-poo?" Good God. Id rather be nuked than read that mess..
Get your repugnant ass back in the closet.

WALLACE: youre ok with a strip club as a setting for this interview.

AHMADINEJAD: what better place to address your empty culture and
where it puts women? look at them. full of drink and indecent proposals.

WALLACE: it's the free market. these girls are doing what they can to earn money to survive.

AHMADINEJAD: Oh...that's why women born into wealth are even worse,
right? look at those women leaving those men to go to the ladies room.
Here is why American women go to the bathroom together.
because theyre gay. and the american male is only a chauffeur,
paying for the drinks. this is why you want to bomb us.


we are not the cause of your moral decline. (cue brave music)

it is your own system that is failing. this
town needs an enema. gotham must be destroyed.
As president of iran at this time in world history i see my role
as helping to bring about a needed rebirth on this planet.

WALLACE: im not sure they follow you. dumb it down for the AICN readers.

AHMADINEJAD: i am a silver surfer, heralding the coming of galactus.

WALLACE: the coming of who?

AHMADINEJAD: never mind, look. in 2010 61% of world's women
will be gay. this is because of decades of your pornoculture. it's no secret
who introduced, legitimized and marketed homosexuality to the world and
all the chaos it brings. look what it has done to the forums of aintitcool and
superman returns.

Homewrecker: okay im pulling the plug on this skit.

AHMADINEJAD: why? we didnt get to the big punchline, about the latimes
full page ad with all the stars united against terror.

WALLACE: And how theyre releasing a song called "We are the Spoiled"
to benefit victims of anti-semitism and name calling. (Cue music)

WALLACE AHMADINEJAD: "we are the spoiled....
we are the chosen,. we are the darlings and the land is ours
so lets start killin..."


homewrecker: okay halle's on the other line. see ya.(pulls plug) hello?

halle: homewrecker. dont put me on hold again. whats this im hearing
about this new feature hilarytime?

homewrecker: you know, hilary clinton is getting into viral marketing. stuff like that.

halle: you dont have that picture do you?

homewrecker: what picture...

halle: would you even have any traffic without my face up there? i know you have it, dont lie.

homewrecker: lying?! what picture?!?

halle: that picture of me with six toes on my right foot.. the pic is fake!

homewrecker: the only pic i have is the one where you get paranoid and think the midget is going to jack you on Broadway. like what's he going to do? a matrix jump and swipe your bag of esoterica? there is no picture out there circulating with you
having six toes.. now about those Monster's Ball outtakes...?

halle: (CLICK)

homewrecker: okay here's the smug guy who made the benny hill 9/11 joke that jayjewpazuzu's been hyping on aicn. he calls himself "The briantist". his name is brian and he dresses like a scientist. get it? wow thats clever. yeah id like to believe this was pazuzu and end the saga but of course it's not.. but he's defintitely a member of "the tribe" if he thinks 9/11 is a joke. jews are so funny arent they. and yes, brian, youre jewish, dont deny it. real classy. you forgot the clown wig, red nose and bozo shoes.. maybe Pazuzu, kidman and michael douglas can put out a full page ad in the latimes and start a fund..

Things we said under the passion of beer

Rachel: okay! here i am, boys! out of daddy's limo and into your
checkbook.. Who wants to buy me drinks? I promise I wont
scam you and maybe I'll be your friend if the food is
kosher and you're nice to me and rave of my white satin
gown by Marc jacobs, my harry winston bracelet valued at.. (ahem).,
my Calvin Klein mules, my dark shiny braided locks from Rubenstein's
salon and spa..

Gibson: are you a jew?

bartender: oh here we go..

rabbi david weiss:Oy a broch, my eyes!! could you be more pale?!?
It's a ghost! A gezunta moid you aint.. bartender cancel my order
of the whitefish. i just saw one. what, no Gotkes?

halle: hit me off again, boyee!!. DAYUM, this shyt is good!!!

bartender: you've had too much to drink halle.... here drink some more.

hipster: Hey, Rachel. you squeezed thirty bucks out of me last
week on drinks, sister.

Rachel: huh? no that WAS my sister. people say we look alike.

Norm: I say buy her drinks again. If either sister won't pay the bill,
Let me move into their guest house. refill please.


Gibson: she's jewish. hide your wallets..

Rachel: hello, i've got plenty of daddy money, thank you.
why do you have to go there!?!
G-d, this is a goy bar! where are the menschs?

rabbi david weiss: theyre busy "cleansing" lebanon.

Halle: Rachelllll..Do you have to...(burp).. pretend youre not (hic!).. Jewish all the time?

hipster: how else would she hide the money?

rabbi david weiss: you never listen. i keep telling you; spend the
money on shiksas, moron. dont be a schlemiel.

Rachel: oh please halle.. youve pretended to be black your whole career. And whatever, hipster. you wont be spinning my dreidels
tonight. and my nose isn't big. Ashlee's rhinoplastic surgeon told
me the biggest jewess nose ever is Blossom's, so there.. As for
everyone defaming me, might i remind you youre supposed to be nice
to us? its the law. or i mean it will be soon.

Gibson: bartender, a kabbalah water for the horse.

ALL: MUHAHAHHHhhahhahaa!!!

Rachel: haha. very funny, anti-semite. antisemite! antisemitenaziblahbleh!!

bartender: oh here we go..

rabbi david weiss: she's frothing at the mouth! watch out!

gibson: the anti semite card..

hipster: ..it's everywhere you want to be.
and the only reason to watch "Blossom" was
little Jenna Van Oy's enormous ass.

Rachel: So gross...youre all drunk.. alcohol is a truth serum, and the anti
semitism here is stifling. where's my blackberry.. i'm emailing Daddy
and Abe Foxman to cite hate crimes so there. typical goyim..



hipster: abe foxman is a hypocrite. call me when he finally defends muslims from defamation by jews. bartender this glass needs refilling..

halle: woo hoo!!!hate crimes!! yeah, that's the shyt there, dog!!(burp!)oh my! excuse me!..what was i sayin'? oh yeah, hate crimes!! an' you haven' even startd drinkin' yett.... that "harm" you think youre experiencin'? its called freedom of speech, baybie..(hic!) your ass is too tight... look at my ass.(drops panties) see why its all loose like that? becuzz my contrack with lions gate films it said billy bob was gonna rip me a new one, and he shore did.,.woo hoo!! that's why i got this...(lands gleaming Oscar on counter)

rabbi david weiss:It might be that a lot of Jews simply either just flat out despise the constitution or can't comprehend it. Only these Jews would criminalize thoughts and speech because they are extremely hypersensitive children with bogeymen under their beds.
words are literally weapons to them; to any sane person it's nothing more. say 'holocaust' or "jewish' and watch them go into a seizure. or flashback. "we are permanently scarred with fear of the goyim!" so the solution is to eliminate the goyim gradually; erase their culture, erase their religion, and finally erase them with nuclear weapons, as you will see in Iran. it's pure madness i tell you, the same madness of the 1930s..and dont make me list looney examples of Talmudic laws here... true torah jews do not advocate this nonsense.

Rachel: oh stop dramatizing..the constitution is flawed.
everybody on foxnews says so...there's no amendments
for prenups , it lacks Talmudic insight...
And youre wrong; Words do in fact inflict physical and bodily harm.

Norm: bartender, lemme' use your phone book.

bartender: what for..

Norm: oh nothin, just some 'bodily harm' on the little missy there...

All: BWAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

Rachel: ah.. the passion of the beer

Gibson: your highness. at the end of the day i am a but a humble servant helping to lead this christian nation.

Rachel: Uh, Let me correct you. America may be mostly a christian nation but it is "thoroughly owned" and run by mostly american and israeli jewry.

it's true.

soon the world will mirror this too, even if we are so few in number.. and if you behave in accordance with the coming new laws, you and your kind will be spared in order to continue serving us.

rabbi david weiss: do you kiss your mother with that mouth..

hipster: its payback for those movies you made, mel..but this time today's chosen people will make the 30's nazis look like cub scouts. putting gibson out of business is just for sheer entertainment..after the straussians vaporize iran, and eradicate all religions but theirs, there will be a last ditch effort by humanity to stop this machine. where when and whom is anyone's guess. another mojito please.

halle: i'm so over mojitos.. (falls over.. THUD!!)

Norm: okay she's on the floor, i think that's enough.

Gibson: you know its funny. i was arrested for a DUI. that should be the story. in the old america thats where the story would have ended. but me saying things while drunk--things that you and TMZ and Harvey Levin and Abe Foxman and the angry conglomerates of press which you folks own and print nearly most of, have decided this should enrage and mobilize your folks to ostracize me despite my track record. things i am being forced to regret saying, things for which i even issued a sincere apology... this--the mere voicing of my personal beliefs-- that's it--which our constitution guarantees, until you revise it-- simply speaking what i believe, no matter how incorrect.. to you people,that is a greater crime than the act of drunk driving, where i could have killed someone?!?!"anti semetic" things i said about jews which took what, 5 seconds? so by that logic, i should get back to back life sentences for making a film that blames jews for 2 hours and twenty minutes.


Rachel: Wowie Zowie! youre good! you almost had me there!
i almost had a moment of clarity and nearly changed my worldview--

but daddy wouldnt like it and the gravy train would stop..

so youre still an anti semite drunk though. buy me a drink.